By Rev. Benjamin Adetutu

 Conflicts can be defined as an unresolved misunderstanding, questionable scenario, misgivings and subtle hostility. Over the years I have come to realize more than ever before that not always are conflicts being resolved. At times conflicts never dies off but may die with us or with individual caught up in one form of conflicts to the other, and goes into the grave with many. Some other times conflicts are resolved well enough in order not for it to happen again or resurface, and by this a way forward is pursue for the good of all in truth, in love and fear of God and foreseen consequences.As Christian, it is important that we are fully equipped to handle conflicts however better still it is necessary that we try and avoid conflicts in the first place to prevent conflicts arising. Below are a number of suggestions on how to avoid conflicts:

• Rules of Engagement: Do not engage in that attitude of selfishness, the idea that seeks ones interest and not of others. For selfishness breeds conflicts
• Refrain from “unwholesome talk” as you should not let evil thoughts and profane words comes out of your mouth (Eph 4:29)
• Avoid being presumptuous: People that assumes and jump into conclusions quickly gets into un-necessary conflicts and does bring painful misgivings and misunderstanding. For me assumptions are a killing disease that destroys good and healthy relationship.
• Learn To be positive. We ought to think positive about ourselves and others in a right way to gain better understanding of the situation concerning you. And do not expect worst scenarios in any given that can be resolved
• Do have self control. An individual that controls his emotions and manages their anger and bitterness is more likely to avoid conflicts that any who cannot manage his emotions.
• Put yourself under temperamental control. When an individual is willing to accept that fact of self weaknesses and limited ability then a you are more able to avoid conflicts. One who does not accept others are better than themselves goes into conflicts easily. You must consider others better than you especially in a situation where you are in experience and may be a novice.
• Be in agreement. The Bible encourages us to be of one mind towards same purpose as observed in Philippians 2:1-5. Can people walk and work together except they agree? We are so human that we will agree to disagree and should disagree to agree.
• But if we as believers are not in agreement conflicts lurk round the bend. In a situation where you do not agree or just cannot agree then come into compromise or negotiations of some sort to avert aggravations and those painful pangs of conflicts. Hence, negotiate to leave the unresolved matter for now to discuss it another time when everyone would have gone away and reflects upon the point of disagreement. In all honesty it took me time to understand this myself.
• Be Mindful. Being in sensitive can lead to great conflicts. Not caring or minding how others feel of your destructive criticism and gossips leads further to bitterness and arrogant behaviour.
• Self Appraisal. I remember when I worked for an organisation for a short period of time I had to do a self appraisal to sell my ability to prove that I am happy with my work performance and that I have all that it takes to improve and do better in my position. Under self appraisal you must be able to highlight areas you think need improving and sustenance. In the same way if an individual fail to give themselves to self scrutiny and capture areas of weaknesses and failings in their lives they are prone to cause problem for themselves and others. They are liable to cause conflict with others and set up bigger problems and misunderstanding.